Myth #8 — Cloistered Nuns Don’t Get To See Their Families

“You mean you don’t ever get to go home and visit your family? That seems a little harsh!”

“Don’t you think it’s a bit heartless to turn your back on your parents like this?”

“I don’t know how you do it … I couldn’t stand not being able to be with my loved ones for the holidays.”

With the Christmas season coming around, worry about this “Nun Myth” may be on the mind of many parents and family members of cloistered religious. While most people are making plans to travel home for the holidays, the families of nuns know that they will always be missing one member around the table. Why this seemingly cruel restriction? Does embracing monastic life mean cutting ourselves off from our loved ones?

As you probably guessed (since this is a Nun Myths post, after all!), the answer to all of these questions is a resounding NO! While it is true that we make the sacrifice of frequent contacts with our family, we do not renounce them entirely, and we certainly do not do so out of callous, selfish motives. The monastic discipline of enclosure is not meant to stifle and “imprison” us! Rather, it is meant to help us live our vocation of prayer and sacrifice more intensely, free from many of the distractions that compete for attention in the outside world.

On the practical side, even the strictest cloistered Orders (e.g. the Carthusians) do not require members to totally give up seeing their families. Visiting policies will, of course, vary from monastery to monastery, depending on their charism, their type of enclosure (click here to read about our Passionist enclosure), and the decisions of each community. At St. Joseph’s, for instance, each Sister is allowed several afternoon visits with friends and family each year. Sisters with family who live far away often combine these into two-day visits twice a year. Family visiting times are a joy for the whole community — because when a young woman enters the monastery, her family is added to the larger “monastic family” and embraced by all the Nuns!

All of this is not to say that we don’t feel the pain of separation, especially at the beginning. For many contemplatives, leaving their families is one of the hardest parts of following their vocation. Yet Jesus is never outdone in generosity, and He rewards this sacrifice, made for love of Him, by a new and deeper love for our parents and families. As we grow deeper in our love for God, our love for each of them also intensifies. We increase in our ability to see the God-given goodness in each one of our loved ones, and this can be a profound source of grace for both them and us. Sisters often marvel at how their relationship with parents, siblings, and other loved ones has grown in in beautiful ways as a result of their fidelity to their contemplative calling.